Friday, December 14, 2012

(Article) "silly b*tch in love" by: Jennifer Sanchez


                                                                           “Silly B*tch In Love”

Senior year of college I got placed into some random criminal justice class with aspiring cops and half the football team.  I hadn’t planned on taking the class so I sure as hell didn’t want to spend $200 on books.  I turned to the big football player who was sitting behind me.  “Hey- can I borrow your books this semester?  I doubt you’ll be using them” in a tone that could only be read as “I think you’re fucking stupid.  Lemme holla at those books right quick.”
I got his books. He got my number.  Stupid, sneaky boy.
Texting went from walking to class together to going out on dates to holding hands on campus to him spending so many nights in my apartment, he ended up keeping a toothbrush and clothes there.  And that was only the second day! (Kidding.  This had all progressed in a few weeks but you know how college time works). 
Everything was perfect.  He was happy, I was happy, and we spent every waking moment together. I was totally head over heels for my boyfriend.  Oh, except we had no title. (Do you hear the record screeching to a halt?  Yeah. Me too. )
So.  Yeah.  About that…. we had no title.  Well, no official title.  When I brought it up, he’d say things like “but it’s like you’re my girlfriend already.”  And I’d respond, “Yeah, so if it’s like I’m already your girlfriend, why don’t we just make it official?” to which he’d say “but why do we need to make it official if it’s already like you’re my girlfriend.”  YES, I KNOW I’M GETTING CURVED RIGHT NOW, BUT AT THE TIME I COULDN’T SEE IT.  LEAVE ME ALONE.
However, we acted like we were official.  He knew my friends. I knew his.  I would wear his football t-shirts out.  He’d drive my car (complete with sorority license plates on it!)  around campus.  We were totally together.  Except it wasn’t “official” so I guess that made us ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.  
Listen.  I know that people always say girls trip off titles and why do we always need to define something and blah blah blah.  But I don’t care.  Without a title, you are nothing.  However, let me state this: I DO NOT THINK THAT HAVING A TITLE MAKES YOU IMMUNE TO GETTING CHEATED ON.  I don’t think that once a title is involved, you never, ever get played.  All it means is that you can LEGITAMELY BE MAD AT THEM AND THROW A BRICK THROUGH THEIR WINDSHEILD when they do cheat.  And you don’t have to hear some stupid ass “but like, we weren’t actually in a relationship so…” type reasoning that will make you want to stab him in the eye with a fork. 
So after a few months, the honeymoon phase had waned, and I started to notice things I didn’t see before. As in, he was always going home on weekends (his family lived in another state).  He wouldn’t answer some of my texts for hours upon hours, IF he decided to respond at all.  He had two cell phones.  He wouldn’t answer my questions when I noticed something…what?  What do you want me to repeat?  He didn’t respond to texts?  Oh no…the “he had two cell phone” parts.  Yeah.  Two cell phones.  You know the J Cole lyric in “Lights Please” when he raps “but you see the sad thing fucking with her is, is the chick ain’t even have brains, dummy like a bitch.”  That was me.  Dummy like a bitch. 
So, after finally admitting some real shit to myself, it was apparent: my super-awesome-boyfriend-with-no-title-so-I’m-really-not-shit-to-him was cheating on me.  I didn’t know who or where or the details of this horrible travesty (yeah., I’m being a bit dramatic) but I knew.  And I hated this invisible bitch.  
I know, total shitty girl move but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t know who she was or what she looked like, but I fucking HATED her.  Who was this WHORE who was sleeping with MY non-boyfriend?  Did she know he was taken?  Was she prettier than me?  Did she have a better body?  And since he was almost always with me, when was he finding the time to cheat?!? (Answer- ohhh, they’ll MAKE the time.) 
Did I know I was being unreasonable?  Absolutely.  Did I think that maybe she didn’t know that he had a girlfriend-type-person and that he was lying to her, too?  Ehhhh, I don’t think I thought it out like that.  I didn’t CARE.
One night, my friend Nadia called me.  After an hour of clicking on random people who had written on his Facebook wall, she had found this girl who was friends with another girl who might be the one that my non-boyfriend was cheating on me with.  She had sent me link.  
The FBI should really let all their agents go and just hire suspicious girlfriends because I could of written this girl’s life story after how hard I looked through her page.  I clicked through all of her default pictures, her photo albums, her comments and interactions.  At first, there wasn’t anything connecting her to my boyfriend-substitute.  Then…I found it.  
Pictures of them together.  But oh no- not just pictures of them together…hugging…kissing…hanging out in what must have been her room back home (figured out she was the hometown hoe. UGH).  There were pictures of her with his little brother.  With his aunts and uncles.  With HIS MOM.  
HOLY FUCKING SHIT.  The realization hit me instantly and slowly all at the same time.  This stupid ass, dumb ass, stupid home wrecking bitch was his…girlfriend. So that made me…the mistress.

I was the stupid ass, dumb ass, stupid home wrecking bitch.  That was me.  All me.  Say it with me now: DAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYUUUUUMMMM.
He HAD a girlfriend.  And it wasn’t me.  She was back home hanging out with his mom, going out with his high school friends, and taking pictures on his living room couch.  I was the girl who…who what?  It was like the past year didn’t happen.  To this day, I have never felt as stupid as I did looking through this girl’s pictures that night.  
I wish I could say that I immediately broke up with him and what followed would be montage of me working out at the gym and going out dancing with my girlfriends and champagne flutes clinking while Ke$ha plays in the background.
What actually followed was me immediately breaking up with him and crying.  Lots and lots of crying, that would end up with me clutching my stomach, gasping for air, dry heaving on my floor.  Thank God Adele wasn’t around then because that really would have been the push I needed to slit my wrists.  The good news?  This doesn’t last forever.  
Eventually, you stop crying, you give up your diet of Cheetos and tears, and you decide that maybe you should shower again.  You defriend them on the Book, you unfollow them on Twitter, you make your friends only refer to him as “that fucking idiot you once dated,” and you slowly move on.  It’s not a perfect plan, but it works, and one day, when he hits you up months or even years later (because he will), you get to respond with “who is this?” and while it doesn’t erase everything, it does make you feel pretty awesome.  

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

nice read

Anonymous said...

Amazing

Anonymous said...

lmao . ur slow....college? oh, affirm. action, i get it.
wow.

Anonymous said...

Lol been here

Anonymous said...

My life right now. In the phase of "oh so you gotta hometown gf" -___-

Anonymous said...

Nuff said

Anonymous said...

Wrong. There are jerks in this world, true, and the few will always ruin it for the majority. But here's the real problem: haters will hate - and those quick to hate are quick to judge and will always take the easier way out, which ironically is the painful (heartbroken) way. But, somewhere deep inside we tell ourselves that pain is temporary and time heals so we move on, only to repeat the cycle again (and again). Much, much harder is trying to accept imperfections in others, forgive those that have hurt us, understand why and work on communication to improve the relationship. Love requires effort, even true love, otherwise it is no different than having a good time friend... with benefits.

Anonymous said...

i really enjoyed reading this

Anonymous said...

damn that nigga is crazy but I gotta admit I feel bad for his girl

Anonymous said...

I had the same case only the girlfriend was so ugly how'd yours work out omg I couldn't live if she was attractive men are dogs

Anonymous said...

can u write one on how girls deal with jealousy sometimes we gotta own up that some girls are prettier have a nicer body and etc.....so many women react horribly we need a better way of not giving a shit and loving ourselves for the way we look

Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed reading this, I love honesty. You should start your own blog.